IN REMEMBERING

The song of Shania Twain really makes me fly. My soul is going somewhere. It drags me back in 2004. It’s the time when I was having the victory, enjoying my time with no burden of life, moving around like a bird totally free, inhaling air of freedom, exhaling accumulation of burden and scratching new things cannot be erased forever.
It’s too beautiful to let it go. It’s too impressive to let it go. Remembering them is always taking me up to the sky. Although most of the time I found hard time to stop remembering, but I do it all the time. It just like marked it up deeply in my heart and mind. I don’t think someone could erase it. Death is the only one which will be able to get me away from them.
Time has moved. Things changed. So do I. I have to move forward instead of staying and remembering. I have to start walking even running. The world is moving faster than before. I don’t want to be left behind. I have to be with even farther. I want to repeat my victory. I want to realize the last memory to be the present memory with the better modification and features.
Sense of having new family is not an old story. It happened to most exchange students. Meeting them for one year is not like meeting a classmate. The situations are different. Definitely are. the only place to talk with and share with, where take and giving is happening many times, where you call them dad and mom just like family and where there many loves between you and them are the things make it different.
My host family’s favorite singer is Shania twain. They made me love it too, but like the mellow one more. The songs I like are from this moment, you’re the one, when you kiss me and most song I like is you’ve got away. But I have to stop the music now. I want to stop remembering. I have to be back to my real world. Studying and working to get my favorite moment back, to get my memory back. Remembering the moment could endanger my future by doing nothing, but this remembering also could motivate me to bring it back by doing hard. Later, I want to introduce my Indonesian family to my American family. I will take my family to the place where I had visited back in 2004. I will also take my American family to Indonesia. I want to make them having sense of having two houses: America and Indonesia. I believe I can do it. Yes I can do it.


Idham, in remembering Seattle
7:05 AM - 24 December 2008

ANOTHER FAILURE

I’ve been recognizing my self for years to find out where I’m good at. Now I have to face the failure, well it’s another failure. Another disappointed by rejected application letter, rejected email and rejected hope. I knew it would come again after I had it many, but somehow confidence self persuade to wake me up after a while. And now, it came again. Even I don’t know how much longer to cure this.

This is why god gave human forget behaviour. They will forget something bad happens and start to do it again. A woman will forget how suffer they give a birth, and then they will do it again. Someone will eat chili again after they forget how suffer they almost die standing on the spicy food.
I really can’t draw the future for now. It looks so blur. Will this failure come again every time I try something big? Is this really proved how far I go? I wouldn’t have more chance to compete with someone clever. I’m not match with them. I’m just ordinary person who will go wherever the wave goes and I Will fly wherever the wind is rustling. Am I just going to end up like most people in this universe? I don’t want to be one. But people have to face the reality, right? And that’s the scariest thing for me, face the unexpected reality.
God will not give you a test unless you can handle it. I know that saying. yeah I don't want to be down for so long. I have to stand up to walk on this land like a man. I beleive I can get over it. My failure is nothing compares to Thomas Alpha Edison's. The sun will rise in the morning after about 12 hours it's dark. Yeah I will forget this after a while. I will fofget it just like I forget what time I ate yesterday. This world is just too wide to think about it only. There're many unlimited things to be thought and done.
This is life, up and down, right and left, appear and dissapear, sad and happy, smile and sullen etc. You will enjoy the movie if the movie has no conflict. Some of you are not enjoying the movie which has a simple conflict. The more conflict that movie has, the more attractive this movie is.
Now I better build the spirit up again, try to stand up slowly and arrange everything again. And I want to say something in my heart " I can do it!"

Above all I was actually forgotten about every thing given by god. I didn’t realize how healthy I was. I was really fit doing preparation even on the test. I didn’t realize how spirit full I was; studying everyday, gaining the score on my practices, talking by my self in English. I didn’t realize how easy I was; many of my friends let me borrow their books for free, an old friend sent me amount of money for the test fee, one of my friend let me stayed in his place during the test. Are they not easiness god gave for me? Absolutely yes! I was blind by this failure. Yes I was. I shouldn’t be like this. I should be thankful.

Now god opens my eyes by giving me oral ulceration. Something good will feel it when it’s gone. I can feel I delicious eating something without having oral ulceration. God warn me to not acting like this. He makes me realize on those Pleasants. Ya Allah please forgive me for not being thankful to you. Forgive me for not being polite to you. I’m so sorry.

The picture is taken from Here

What a nice worth living

One day I visited my friend’s boarding house. I felt like his world is perfect for our age. Let me describe what are in his boarding house. He has a laptop, television, cool sound system, thick bed and one very important thing is toilet inside the room.

After I’ve visited his, I’ve been dreaming to have a nice world such as his. His world is so comfortable. He can watch television every time without any disturbing people around, then he can turn off the computer when he fall a sleep for a nap. When he wakes up, he can make a coffee or milk with the hot water from the dispenser. While he’s enjoying the drink, he can listen to the music with the very nice sound system. Rock, soft, classic, and many others can be his option to pick which one is fit with the mood. Then when the night comes, and he needs a movie to be watched, he can just plug in the sound system jack into the laptop. The sounds would be out loud and fantastic. In the middle of the movie or in almost in the end of the movie, he needs to go to the toilet, he can just pause it and the toilet would be reached in about three steps from where he is. When the weather is humid or hot, the fan is just ready for him to be a loyal company all night long.

In contrast, I live in Islamic boarding school where the interests are many due to many people live there. Our rooms are shared for about 5 people each room. Not only room is shared but bed, pillow, bathroom are also shared.

I have a computer at the dorm but it serves bunch people. Sometimes I have to wait for my computer used by someone else, sometimes I have to be hurry working on my computer because of somebody is waiting, sometimes I couldn’t do anything in front of my computer because the situation is to noisy made by many people there.

The bathroom at the dorm is must be strong enough. They’re used all the time. One person has used it, and then somebody else would use it. It will be going on and on just like Phillips (a brand of light). In front of the bathroom door in the morning and evening, the bath equipment arranged making a line for queuing. I have to hold when I need to pee; otherwise I have to run to another place which is about 30 steps far.

Well, that’s how we do our life. We have to do a little exercise to get our basic necessity. We have to get use to do something unusual instead of anyone else. Our life is little harder than anyone else here. However nothing is impossible in this world. If my friend who has everything would be succeed in the future, I think it’s an ordinary; but if I or my friends who live in the dorm would be successful in the future, that may be an extra ordinary.

Our prophet has suggested us that we have to see the lower level in economic case; so that we would be always thankful and grateful for any pleasant we have from him. The feeling will help us become peaceful person. That is actually the point. Life is created to be enjoyed, not to be tortured.

The picture is taken from here

May I set a high standard of my future wife?

I’m not a handsome boy whereas girls are around. I had few experiences dating girl back when I was in high school, and I have no more girls are with me. People said, you have to think and work hard to get good looking girl. That’s why I’ve never had one. I got so many works to do, I have to study, earn money and do my hobbies. Beside, having girl friend is also tearing my wallet. There’s a little left in my wallet, yet I don’t even cover whole my necessity. For me, having a girl friend is a fasting.

Some of my friend told me that, you can have a rich girl friend or understandable girl friend. Still, for me it is not that simple. Having a rich girlfriend sometimes lower our dignity as a man. I’m not saying that man suppose to be richer than the girl, but what I mean is, if the couple is not balance, one of them probably will be dominant and arrogant, even they don’t have any intention for that. It would just happen that way. While if we have an understandable girl friend, at the beginning of course we have to store the capital first. Obviously we cannot just ask and ask in the very beginning of the relationship. We wouldn’t be given, unless we give them first.

Above all, I’ve decided that I won’t get marry before I reach the success. That’s why I want to set the high standard of my future wife. The standard is away high, but that is the point. The standard will just keep me away from having a girl, on and on. The standard will determine a girl beside me later is a wife not a girl friend.

Three things that is required for my future wife: physical appearance, intelligence and religious. Physical appearance is actually relative. I wouldn’t keep it as an absolute form. If it’s enough to be asked for going to wedding party, I’ll take it. For the intelligence, I’ve been dreaming to have someone that could play puzzle with me; someone could contribute different thought, someone that could make me laugh and someone who has a wide heart to share with. For the last requirement is a faith. I wouldn’t compromise for this one. Believing on the same god and being obedient to him is a fixed price and can’t be bargained anymore for my future wife.

Now, if I ask those requirements for my future wife, it’s actually I ask my self to have those three things. Nonsense if I expect the moon while I’m a camel’s hump. These requirements indirectly force me to become better person. In the last, I just believe to the words said by the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him):

“Good girl is just for the good man”

The picture is taken from here

KRAPYAK ISLAMIC BOARDING SCHOOL FOR DOCUMENTARY MOVIE

Krapyak has been visited by some American movie makers from the production house called Applashop. They’re making movie titled "Islamic student lifestyle in Indonesia". These American movie makers partner with Indonesian movie makers called Etnografika. The missions of both production houses facilitate the powerless people or unexposed people with the camera. The misunderstanding between Moslem and west is the main target of this movie launched. I would call them heroes. They struggle for peace of the world. They definitely realize that we live in the same world so that we should be together on taking care of the world.
These American movie makers socialize with santri (Islamic student) totally. They’re wearing sarong, they’re eating together with santri in big plat, five people for each, and they’re practicing how to play the traditional music instrument called "Hadrah". They really like to play it.
To complete their film in Indonesia, they’re filming dangdut also as the enhancement of Indonesia. Foreign people know dangdut as a popular music of Asia especially Indonesia. Do you think they will shake their body when they listen to dangdut? Or even ngebor? Hmmm ... It’s a good question isn’t it? Ok then, for them, good luck with movie! Please send the great message to the world for the peace purpose.
06.02, Semarang, 7th Dec 2008

movie I hate

Today I’ve just watched a movie called “The Mist” with my friend, Yoga. I want to give a little comment on the movie a little bit. The movie makes me so angry in the end. It feels regrettable thing that I’ve ever done. If only I watched the other movie like “kutunggu jandamu or superhero movie”, probably I wouldn’t be so regretful like this.
The story begins with mistakes of government on the scientist’s experiment. Firstly, came up one guy with the bunch of heart-kind people helping other people and managing the situation became more calm. People thought these people are going to be the saviours and most likely stay alive till the end of the movie. In fact, these people are end up on the sad and stupid situation. After they’ve get out from the store which bounded them from the store, they drove the car until it ran out of the gasoline. Finally, they gave up; they thought that there is no other option. They killed them selves. The story ended by the eradicating of government toward the monsters.
On the movie, I found many ideological aspects. There is one spiritual girl who is suffered in beginning on delivering the message of the god. This girl gets the trust from people gradually. She could even save her self from the monster. People started to like and trust her. In the end, all that the girl said become real implicitly. The girl judge the group that they will be died because of their pride, it happened and the one who shoot her head till die, also directly die eaten by monster. The girl is a Jew, the back sound while ending the movie is also Jew’s instrument, well it sounds like Jew’s musical instrument to me.
Finally, the movie will not be separated from the director. I believe that the director has a special purpose on it. It’s a typical director who puts the ideology first before the satisfying of audience. Nowadays, international audience tend to like the neutral movie. People may like the religion movie if the title of the movie is religion movie.
As an unsatisfied audience, I wouldn’t recommend this movie to somebody else. I don’t want to make my self as an object of anger of unsatisfied audience.

Let me just say, the movie makes me dissapointed all day long! Thanks!

00.29, Semarang, 6th Dec 2008